dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
