My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
