So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
