I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
There's even glitter on my cock...
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