i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
