he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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