i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
