You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
