I just saw a hot homeless man
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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