You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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