apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
