i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
