we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
