Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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