Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
