apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
