You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
