question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
