I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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