Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
