she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
FUCK WHALES
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
