Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
