those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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