i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
