Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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