a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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