I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
