i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
