Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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