Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
