his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
soo... how was my night?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
