YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
