Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Success! We fucked roommates!
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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