I could make wine with my vomit
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
