In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
