nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
