I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
