We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
