I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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