people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He passed out mid-signature
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
