u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
