..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
