I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
