So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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