why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
