the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
