Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
