I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize