I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
