If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
