help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
